What Doesn't Kill ya...

Cheyenne is getting used to me being the one dropping her off at school in the morning.  To save her spot, we have to take her a minimum of 3 days per week so on those days - I take her in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon.  She and Chris had a fail-safe drop-off routine that left them both smiling and proud.  With me it has gone like this:

Week 1 -  Walking in like normal and then slowly that skeptical look of "okay, I guess this is kind of the same..."

 to Week 2 -  the clinging, hide-behind-the legs giggle and then whimper and I can eventually find enough distraction to say a quick goodbye while she is busy with something

to Week 3 (this week) - the clinging turns to tears and quivering bottom lips and a fearful "please don't do this to me" look and ends with the teacher peeling her off of me with the cries and tears in full force.

I honestly just want to say the hell with it and keep her at home - why not?  I can get work done during her nap.  It would make my day so much brighter.  Tuition could just be like a bill for a car I don't use.  It would prevent me from having my heart wrung out like a wet rag.  We can just pick this up in the Fall - postponing the agony has got to be better than this...

But the truth it would be so much worse - Because then my face would be a drippy mascara mess and my eyes the size of softballs and I would arrive late to work and have to teach a bunch of teenagers.
Another truth - she really does love it there.  I pick her up and she is laughing and dancing and has a handful of projects to show me and a million new phrases and things to teach me about what she learned about sea animals or space or the letter R.

Is it killing me or making me stronger?
Is it killing her or making her stronger?
Are those the only two options?
Am I doing the right thing?  Ever?

Time will tell.  Time has all the secrets.
For now, I'm chalking it up to transition - she is brave and smart and already so strong - she is just transitioning to a new routine.  She is getting stronger every day with this challenge or without.

for me, if it is making me stronger, I can't tell yet - for now it's just killing me.

Apples and Trees at the Petting Zoo

We visited our favorite Farmer's Market last week in Santa Monica.  It is an old friend to Chris and me.  We have frequented the same loop through many stages in our SoCal life.  There are pony rides and a petting zoo that we like to watch, but we thought this time, Cheyenne might want to actually get closer to the animals or even ride one of the ponies.  We discovered, oh so clearly, just how much Cheyenne is like her Mama.

My mom used to say that as a baby and a child (and I am still this way in many ways, I just hide it better), I was quite an observer and I would want to watch for a long time before I was going to participate in anything.  Well, all I can say is ... Apples and Trees ... my sweet little apple is staying close to this Mama tree.

It was a funny feeling really, watching her, because I really could feel her thoughts.  I knew instinctually and personally to wait it out longer than you would think appropriate and be patient with her watching, and eventually when asked if she wanted to get closer and pet the animals, the decisive and fearful "no's" would slowly turn into a reluctant and quiet "yeah?"   

The pictures say it all:

Big girl walking on her own through the Farmer's Market.  As long as we were a good
15 feet away, she was very interested in the ponies and petting zoo.

Watching the pony rides and petting zoo from a safe distance in Daddy's arms

When we heard a "yeah" from our girl, we knew we didn't have much time before she changed her mind.
We compiled all our coins at the corners of our wallets to scrounge enough for some feed for the petting zoo
 (which included dimes, nickels and a $2 bill)

Some of the fearful creatures that Cheyenne was nervous about...
How cute is that little baby calf?

Only Mama could pet the sheep.
But if I stopped, she would push my hand over so I would pet some more.

Interested, but still not so sure...

Our brave little girl

She was a bit concerned throughout the whole process that her shoes were getting hay all over them.
(Kinda looks like that goat wants to kiss her, or nibble on her hair, more likely)

And finally comfortable, Cheyenne is a natural ranch girl

Baby is happy. Daddy is proud.

Oh Christmas Tree...

We searched high and low, artificial and live, close and far, for the perfect christmas tree.  

We are proud to say we found him late in the evening.  He's nice and fat and full and smells like mountain air.  We brought him home and although I think that Cheyenne thought it funny to have a "T-t-t-t-teaaee" (tree) in the house, he looks like he was meant to live here, wedged right in the corner all dressed up in sparkles and lights.  In fact, we have a feeling, our house will feel a bit empty without him, come the new year.

Each morning, Cheyenne turns the corner into our living room and, fresh and genuine every time, gasps with eyes wide open and says "Wowww."  It is darling - it is what Christmas cheer is made of at its core.

A new pair of shoes

the first in fact...

Such a big girl sitting on her own little couch,
sleeves rolled up
in her jeans,
with her shoes,
and  her phone.

Steps and Stumbles

Just a little peek into our little bird's
walking progress.

Every day a little bit braver
and each morning new bruises to show it...

And here is Part II - 

With a little help from the cupboards, she is quite confident...

Toothy Grin

Cheyenne now has 8 teeth!  

The six in front and then two large molars on one side.  

They make her look so mature - like a really truly little girl.

A Journey of a thousand miles...

begins with a single step...

and in this case 6 steps!

Cheyenne has been flirting with the idea of walking for quite a while now - a step or two here, a stand and stumble there... but this morning - she walked clear across the room.  So so proud.

(I think my favorite part of these pictures is Chris' face)

One of Chris' coworkers told him that a father "loses" his daughter three times - when she learns to walk, when she learns to drive, and when she gets married.  Although neither of us feel any sense of loss today, there is a certain pang in our hearts knowing that she no longer needs our hands to balance her sweet little feet.  First of many, I know.

Cartwheels and Pirouettes

Cheyenne took her first steps this weekend.  

Confidence is growing and she will be doing cartwheels and pirouettes in no time!

Speaking of pirouettes, have you all seen this darling clip of this little girl in ballet class?  

She is trying so hard - I bet her mama is so proud.

The Tragedy of the First Position

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdylQeg5B9I

We'll try to get a video or at least a series of pictures that show our little girl on the move, but for now,

Here are just a couple of my very favorite photos as of late...

Feeding the Ducks

Chris and I both have wonderful childhood memories of feeding the ducks - which normally meant feeding the aggressive geese that trample over the ducks and drown out the quacks with their honks.  I can remember their beaks snapping down on my fingers as they would steal a whole piece of bread right out of my hand.  It was always a little startling but the excitement of these big animals being this interested in me was too good to stop.  

So... with Cheyenne's love for animals, we thought this would be a big hit.  We went to a park that we knew had a big pond and that we had seen ducks before and brought a whole loaf of bread and we were ready for a great show.... 

we were quite disappointed...

...with the ducks.

They were not interested in us at all.  We tried all our tricks and tried to point to the ducks way across the water, but Cheyenne was looking at us like, I see more animal action in my back yard!

Eventually we had 3 ducks that came to say hello but that was about it.... 

Except for 

the most curious of visitors - 

On the contrary, he was actually very interested in us and our bread!

Mr. Turtle was ready for as much bread as we could hand out.  

As you can see he was much braver than his feathered friends!

We'll have to do a bit more duck and goose research before we attempt this adventure again.

But I doubt we will get the pleasure of Mr. Turtle's company at other ponds - so that definitely made this trip worth while.

One.

here's to cupcakes and party dresses 

and wishing on candles

every year for the rest of your life

happy birthday sweet girl...

Noggin bump

Cheyenne took a nice tumble, face first, onto the heater vent.  Definitely more of a scare for me and Chris than for her. 

All parents seem to have countless stories that are of this nature and no one needs to tell me that this is probably mild compared to scares to come.  It sure happens in slow motion, doesn't it?  And then immediately replays over and over in your head until you have exhausted all options on how it could have been prevented.

Kids seem to be made of rubber.  Their healing and ability to be distracted is super speed.  She got a nice Harry-Potter-placed / Star-Trek-shaped bump on her noggin though.  

All traces were gone by morning and she is ready for the next obstacle.  Hopefully she gives her Mama a few days to catch her breath from this one though...