What Doesn't Kill ya...

Cheyenne is getting used to me being the one dropping her off at school in the morning.  To save her spot, we have to take her a minimum of 3 days per week so on those days - I take her in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon.  She and Chris had a fail-safe drop-off routine that left them both smiling and proud.  With me it has gone like this:

Week 1 -  Walking in like normal and then slowly that skeptical look of "okay, I guess this is kind of the same..."

 to Week 2 -  the clinging, hide-behind-the legs giggle and then whimper and I can eventually find enough distraction to say a quick goodbye while she is busy with something

to Week 3 (this week) - the clinging turns to tears and quivering bottom lips and a fearful "please don't do this to me" look and ends with the teacher peeling her off of me with the cries and tears in full force.

I honestly just want to say the hell with it and keep her at home - why not?  I can get work done during her nap.  It would make my day so much brighter.  Tuition could just be like a bill for a car I don't use.  It would prevent me from having my heart wrung out like a wet rag.  We can just pick this up in the Fall - postponing the agony has got to be better than this...

But the truth it would be so much worse - Because then my face would be a drippy mascara mess and my eyes the size of softballs and I would arrive late to work and have to teach a bunch of teenagers.
Another truth - she really does love it there.  I pick her up and she is laughing and dancing and has a handful of projects to show me and a million new phrases and things to teach me about what she learned about sea animals or space or the letter R.

Is it killing me or making me stronger?
Is it killing her or making her stronger?
Are those the only two options?
Am I doing the right thing?  Ever?

Time will tell.  Time has all the secrets.
For now, I'm chalking it up to transition - she is brave and smart and already so strong - she is just transitioning to a new routine.  She is getting stronger every day with this challenge or without.

for me, if it is making me stronger, I can't tell yet - for now it's just killing me.