At 35 years old, I think it is about time to be honest with myself. I have spent decades now doing my best to create myself and to try to "find" myself... and by no means am I done... but I think I have reached a point that I can admit some truths.
I don't really like Ice Cream.
I don't really like parks with play structures.
You know, people say that the truth will set you free. I should feel liberated, right?! Why is there still some shame in my gut, then?
First with the Ice Cream shame: Is it because I spent so much of my young adulthood buying into the Ben&Jerrys movie nights with girlfriends, the Coldstone fad and the artsy Waffle cone scoop selfie? Is it because it is oh-so-american to love Ice Cream with pie, and Ice Cream with birthday cake and Ice Cream out-of-the-carton binge? Whatever it is, I have pretended HARD for a long time now. And it is in no way that I hate it, or have to choke it down. Pretending was in truth not too hard, but it was pretending none the less. The problem with saying that you in fact do not like something though, is then you feel as if you have to stand by it as a principle. And, I don't want to commit to never liking ice cream ever. I like a chocolate dipped ice cream bar, sometimes... But okay, enough pretending. It is out now. Not my favorite dessert.
And the park shame... so much worse as a mother. The shame in admitting this has made me erase the words several times already! Talk about pretending! I MUST NOT allow my selfish dislike to deprive my girls of classic fun! I will continue to pretend, post or no post, confession or no confession. So as long as that is out of the way... my reasoning... pure and simple - mama fear. It is funny the things that freak you out most. I can do pools and the beach just fine. I don't mind crowds or wilderness. But for some reason, play structures get me. I never even noticed them before, but as a mom, it is a plethora of danger in my eyes. First, the herds of 10 year old boys, running around with absolute no notice to the wobbly babies and cautious exploring toddlers. Their zombie chases, deafening machine gun noises, the pirate ships and war tanks completely take over every structure in the park. Secondly, both my brother and my first born broke their arm pretty brutally, doing nothing but slowly climbing on a slide (Grayson was actually knocked over by said 10-year-old boy types). So Freudingly, my childhood is getting in the way for sure. Lastly, I can't see them around the corners because there are too many corners and obstacles. I lose sight of them too many times in a 30 second span. I know, that one is something that I will need to get over. But, again, in the spirit of being self aware, I am not ready to get over it. I will face it but I can't counsel myself out of the fear yet. I need them in sight. I will just live with it (or make them wear bells ;)).
Please don't stop inviting me to Park dates though! In fact it is so much better when there are more kids to ward off the 10 year olds, and more Mommas to see around more corners! And my girls do like the park, so I go anyway.
What do you pretend about? What have you just gone along with because it is easier or because it is a fad that you are supposed to "love?" Confess! I can't promise it will feel better, but in solidarity, it may feel uniting?
Parents especially - do you have any of these? Things that you are supposed to "love" as a parent and you are pretending HARD for your kids, or for society, or for whatever? Beach days with all the sand, Disneyland trips with all the lines, Road trips, camping trips, breastfeeding, Soccer games? Most of these I actually do love by the way, but I see pretending happening ALL over these places! Leave your thoughts in comments if you feel so inclined!
P.S.
Cheyenne hates Ice Cream. She actually does gag. I promise I didn't bait this. Ikea soft serve is the only exception (hence the photo above).
Avalon does like the park, but her faces in these pics below from yesterday feel my pain.
