I didn't have to work as early today so I took Cheyenne to school, which is a practiced routine that she has with Chris. The few times that I have been the one to drop her off, she does great with hugs and kisses and big waves, but I always walk away with a little pinch in my heart - like a sliver, a tiny shard of glass stuck just below the surface. I think as a mother, there is an always-present doubt; a doubt about whether we are doing the right thing, that we aren't overreacting or worse, under reacting to something. Most of the time we just override this doubt with confidence and action, because, well because we have to in order to survive as a mother. So whenever I'm the one to drop Chy off, I walk away and the pang of doubt of whether I should be working at all pinches like a splinter. And as I get in the car and drive away, logic and confidence do their job and override the doubt and all is comfortable again.
Kids sometimes have a way about knowing what to say, right when it is needed.
We walked into school this morning and we were holding hands and just walking, not saying anything and then just like she has said it every day, she was just looking at the ground and she said really casually,
"Mama, you are my friend."
Walking away from her classroom today, the sharp little shard of glass pierced on through as normal, but today there was a pang of certainty along with the doubt and it made the sting a little sweeter.
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| You're my friend, sweet little bird |
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